While there are several opinions on what makes a happy marriage (everyone and their uncle has one!), here are 5 of the most common that deserve to be broken for a happy marriage. So read on and find out how to have a happy marriage!
10 rules to break for a happy marriage
1. “Never go to bed angry.”
Ah, this one is probably the most common marriage rule out there! Apparently, this rule has some basis in the scriptures which advice against letting the ‘sun down on your anger.’ Let’s say you have a super fight at 9:00 P.M. Sulking, taking time to think about it and then resolving everything followed by an apology – you have roughly an hour for all this, so c’mon, hurry up!
Seriously speaking, this rule just lacks logic. People need time to rewind a little and think things over – and rushing through this with a bedtime deadline looming is not going to work. Have your fight and let it all out. Then, just keep the peace and let yourself cool down, allowing your spouse to do the same. In all likelihood, sleeping over the problem will bring new insights in the morning and make reconciliation much more sincere and amicable.
2. “Your spouse should be your best friend.”
I think we have the movies to blame for this one, particularly the chick flicks! Cute guy has a pretty friend, whose prettiness is as yet invisible to him. He goes after a hot siren, only for it to end in disaster, bringing his friend’s hotness into focus. So there you have it – a two in one spouse.
So what’s the problem, you ask? While there’s really nothing wrong with marrying your best friend, or treating your spouse as one, but the problem is when you think that your spouse should be your BFF. This increases unreasonable expectations on your spouse, which can only lead to resentment later. Your spouse is your mate, your life partner. Just let them be and call up your gal pals/buddies for a night out on town to celebrate Friendship Day!
3. “Be 100% honest.”
Let us clarify straight away here that by no means are we encouraging dishonesty or cheating in a marriage. Seriously, there is no place for that in a relationship where trust is paramount. However, we don’t think you need to be one hundred percent honest all the time, especially when it can help you tide over a minor problem.
For example, your husband needn’t know the gory details of how you and your high school boyfriend spent the summer. Your wife can do without an absolutely honest answer to “does my derriere look fat in this?” You get the picture now, don’t you? Again, in no way does this mean you can compromise on integrity and trust in your marriage.
4. “A happy couple is always seen together.”
This was probably brought down from the days when social etiquette dictated that a couple be seen in public all the time, holding hands and smiling sweetly, whatever their underlying issues may be. According to that school of thought, a couple going to separate events or spending time with their respective friends spelt trouble in their marriage.
Now, anyone who’s married knows how important it is for a couple to get some time alone and away. They also know that it is nearly equally important for spouses to spend individual time with their friends and extended family away from their spouses too! Here’s one of the secrets to a happy marriage: A happy couple is made of happy spouses, and it’s perfectly okay if they’re seen being happy separately once in a while!
5. “Marriage is about give and take.”
Well, this is partly true. The recipe for a happy marriage involves a lot of giving and taking. It’s also about offering, sacrificing, demanding, and a fair bit of yelling too! Anyone expecting to give and take in equal measures in a marriage is setting themselves up for a lifetime of disappointment.
Marriage is never going to be about a 50-50 division of labor. At times it can be 20-80, at times it’ll be 90-10. We’re humans and all of us have bad times. When one partner is having a bad time, the other partner picks up the load and keeps things running, and vice versa.