While there are several opinions on what makes a happy marriage (everyone and their uncle has one!), here are 5 of the most common that deserve to be broken for a happy marriage. So read on and find out how to have a happy marriage!
1. “Never let it get boring.”
Many people have this idealized notion that one of the keys to a happy marriage is always having fireworks and passion. But this happens only during the honeymoon phase, after which things tend to ‘tone down’ a little. But thinking this is a bad thing is where the problem is, especially when it comes to physical intimacy.
The fact is that what people refer to as ‘boring’ is actually the comfort of familiarity. Think of going on a roller coaster ride – it’s a huge adrenaline rush and is super exciting. But going on it every single day – you’ll feel like throwing up!! Marriage is like those comfy pajamas you get into at the end of the day; at times, you feel like getting all dressed up, but only for a certain time.
2. “Spouses should share everything.”
Okay, we’re not going into physical assets and property here, but this rule assumes that spouses are truly in love when they share every single thing, including their hobbies!! But how can you realistically expect two distinct individuals to suddenly forego their personal interests and merge everything into one?
Many marriage guides propose couples doing things together, like taking a class. While this is great if they’re both interested in the class, it’s actually better for them to work separately on their individual interests. Basically, these days, several happy couples share very few things, not even a last name!
3. “Never sleep in separate beds.”
The person who made up this rule didn’t know how it was to sleep with a snorer!! Okay, few things to clarify here: setting up separate bedrooms and sleeping there all the time is NOT okay, and is quite likely to be a sign of trouble. But camping up in the spare bedroom once in a while is fine, even if you’re mad at your spouse just after a fight. Like we mentioned earlier, some space can give some perspective and you’ll feel better in the morning.
There are many other instances where couples sleep separately once in a while, especially if there’s a baby, or one of them is ill or caring for a sick child. As long as these are few and far in between, there’s really no need to make a big deal out of them.
4. “Happy couples don’t fight.”
Yeah, right!! This is another problem with the picture of an ‘ideal’ marriage, where spouses always call each other ‘sweetheart’ and discuss everything in mild tones. Of course, that doesn’t happen in real life!!
Truth be told, fighting is actually healthy for a relationship. Every relationship needs some shaking and airing once in a while, and fights are how this happens. Hence, this rule should probably be rephrased to ‘Happy couples fight right.’ Fighting right makes a huge difference to the quality of your relationship and can make things even better than before!
5. “Love your in laws.”
Okay, we’re entering prickly territory here. This concept was likely to be brought around by the traditional cultural setting, where you married not just your spouse, but their family as well! In those days, you were expected to treat your mother-in-law as your own mother, regardless of how she treated you or how you actually felt about her!
As you can imagine, years of repressed feelings can result in a nervous breakdown or an explosion where some regrettable things can be said. Avoid the mess by being realistic and practical in approaching your in-laws. It isn’t necessary that a person love their in-laws; however, it is important that they treat each other with respect and be polite and courteous to them.